RE: Evaluate Your Sex Outlook

Searah Deysach
Written by Searah Deysach

Ms. Fit’s Resident Sex Expert Challenges You To Think Beyond the Orgasm

As a sex shop owner I talk to folks every day about sex. Most of the questions I get are pretty easy to deal with but sometimes it requires encouraging people to take a whole new approach on how they view “sex”. So much of our culture uses the word “Sex” to refer to putting a penis in a vagina, everything else is “foreplay.”

Sure, queer folks and many others have wider views on what sex means to them, but overall, across the gender and sexuality spectrum, I’ve seen so much focus on the result of sex and so little attention played to the experience of intimacy and sensuality.

The world is full of tons of books, movies and products designed to help people last-longer, have more orgasms, and “perform” sex “better”, but so little is our there to help people slow down, enjoy the moment and think about sex in a wider term than Orgasmic Achievement. We stress about how often we are having sex and how long it lasts. We worry that we aren’t having enough orgasms or getting there quick enough. And for many, changes in health, relationship status or family life are immediately seen as full-on sex life killers.

I find myself over and over reminding people that sex is not only supposed to be fun (yes, people forget that!) but that there is lot more to sensation and pleasure then our ‘nads.

For this new year and the inaugural edition of Ms. Fit I wanted to offer readers a few ideas of how to take a new approach to thinking about sex and hopefully find some ways to relax and enjoy yourself and (if you have one) your lover more.

  • sensuality Masturbate. It is simple, cheap, safe and really good for you. Grab a few moments for yourself and enjoy sexual pleasure without having to worry about how you look, what your partner is thinking, who is going to have an orgasm first or what the next move will be. You body is awesome and you should be enjoying it whenever you can. Plus it raises your heart rate, boosts your mood and improves circulation!
  • If you have a partner, try eliminating your “main course” next time you do it. If you take intercourse, strap-on sex or whatever has become your central sexual focus off the table you will be forced to get a little more creative and perhaps spend some extra time on less “valued” activities.
  • Stop counting. Ignore whatever magazines say is the “average” number of times a week/month that people have sex. For all we know those having sex three times a week are having lousy sex. Go for quality and don’t sweat quantity so much. Sometimes we don’t have sex because we think it has to involve 1, 2 & 3 and we only have time for 1. SO WHAT. Go have some great 1 and save 2 & 3 for when you have more time!

Remember that healthy sexuality should be a valued part of your healthy life. Honor the fact that our bodies can bring us great pleasure and commit yourself to experiencing that pleasure in healthy ways whenever you can. If you can do that, I promise you an awesome 2013.


About the author

Searah Deysach

Searah Deysach

Searah Deysach is a sex educator and the owner of the feminist sex shop Early to Bed. In addition to running her shop, she lectures frequently to community groups and colleges around the state on topics relating to positive sexuality. She is committed to working to create a culture where everyone has access to honest information about sexuality and all women have access to the services they need to protect their reproductive rights. She lives in Chicago with her girlfriend and their kid and thinks everyone should masturbate more.

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