Ms. Fit’s Resident Sex Expert Challenges You To Think Beyond the Orgasm
As a sex shop owner I talk to folks every day about sex. Most of the questions I get are pretty easy to deal with but sometimes it requires encouraging people to take a whole new approach on how they view “sex”. So much of our culture uses the word “Sex” to refer to putting a penis in a vagina, everything else is “foreplay.”
Sure, queer folks and many others have wider views on what sex means to them, but overall, across the gender and sexuality spectrum, I’ve seen so much focus on the result of sex and so little attention played to the experience of intimacy and sensuality.
The world is full of tons of books, movies and products designed to help people last-longer, have more orgasms, and “perform” sex “better”, but so little is our there to help people slow down, enjoy the moment and think about sex in a wider term than Orgasmic Achievement. We stress about how often we are having sex and how long it lasts. We worry that we aren’t having enough orgasms or getting there quick enough. And for many, changes in health, relationship status or family life are immediately seen as full-on sex life killers.
I find myself over and over reminding people that sex is not only supposed to be fun (yes, people forget that!) but that there is lot more to sensation and pleasure then our ‘nads.
For this new year and the inaugural edition of Ms. Fit I wanted to offer readers a few ideas of how to take a new approach to thinking about sex and hopefully find some ways to relax and enjoy yourself and (if you have one) your lover more.
- Masturbate. It is simple, cheap, safe and really good for you. Grab a few moments for yourself and enjoy sexual pleasure without having to worry about how you look, what your partner is thinking, who is going to have an orgasm first or what the next move will be. You body is awesome and you should be enjoying it whenever you can. Plus it raises your heart rate, boosts your mood and improves circulation!
- If you have a partner, try eliminating your “main course” next time you do it. If you take intercourse, strap-on sex or whatever has become your central sexual focus off the table you will be forced to get a little more creative and perhaps spend some extra time on less “valued” activities.
- Stop counting. Ignore whatever magazines say is the “average” number of times a week/month that people have sex. For all we know those having sex three times a week are having lousy sex. Go for quality and don’t sweat quantity so much. Sometimes we don’t have sex because we think it has to involve 1, 2 & 3 and we only have time for 1. SO WHAT. Go have some great 1 and save 2 & 3 for when you have more time!
Remember that healthy sexuality should be a valued part of your healthy life. Honor the fact that our bodies can bring us great pleasure and commit yourself to experiencing that pleasure in healthy ways whenever you can. If you can do that, I promise you an awesome 2013.
Like this story? To date, Ms. Fit Mag has published more than 100 original stories on a wide range of subjects from feminist pregnancy and childcare; to body-positive fitness; to recipes, reviews, and D.I.Y.; to personal essays and practical tips and advice about wellness and healthy-living from a distinctly feminist perspective. Help us continue publishing great stories like this one by making a donation to our year-end funding drive. Your donation of $5 or more will help keep us publishing in 2014. Thank you!